Grieving the loss of my Maltese dog is so hard! I don’t want to think about him …and yet I feel better when I do. Weeks passed by and I still can’t believe he is not here. I called him my beautiful, my precious, my sweetie, my cutie…
I’m missing him so much. Nobody spent as much time with him as I did. He was my fur baby, my child who never grew up, who made me smile – a silly, playful dog who was there for me all the time. His love was unconditional. It’s so painful to let go!
His first weeks with us.
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He was 16 years old but people still called him “puppy.” We knew his time was coming but you are never really ready for this. How can you accept that this part of your life will be gone forever?
I can’t believe he is never going to lay down next to me, we will never go for a walk again, he will never wait for me to come home…and there are so many more things that will never happen again.
My heart is broken, I’m missing him so much and nothing can change this.
I remember the day I pick him up. He was so tiny, only 7 weeks old and so cute. He must have been scared because he threw up on my sweater when we were driving. On our 1st day together, I took him to work with me and he was sleeping on my lap most of the day, my precious, tiny ball of fur.
His first leash.
16 years passed by too quickly and he is gone. He was old and had health problems we couldn’t cure. He didn’t want to eat or drink, he had a problem with balance, he lost weight and was so skinny. I fed him by hand just so he would eat something.
Did he know? In his last months, he was giving me kisses like never before, licking my face when I kept him in my arms. He was cuddling more and slept a lot. I’m finding some comfort in thinking that maybe he understood…but still, I can’t accept it.
After his seizures, when I was watching him helplessly and then comforting him when it was over I knew we can’t wait much longer. I didn’t want to see him suffer. Both vets who examined him told us they are ready whenever we are ready. But can you really be ready for this? I still feel guilty thinking that maybe we should wait longer… but then right away I realize this wouldn’t make any sense since he was not going to get better.
I am crying when I think about my sweetheart.
The days are empty without him.
The house is quiet without him.
I wake up and don’t see his cute face.
I don’t have to rush him outside to do his business.
I don’t have to feed him in the morning.
Walking through the house, I’m noticing things that surprise me but quickly realize why.
Walking into the kitchen I see his bowls are missing. I turn around and I don’t see his crate. I step out of the bedroom stunned because the baby gate is not there by the stairs. I’m moving around the kitchen and instinctively watching under my feet so I don’t step on him… only realizing he is not there.
Some of the most painful reminders are in my office. He was there with me all the time sleeping in his bed next to my desk. I could just look down and he was there looking at me. Still, when I’m moving in my chair or getting up I routinely look to the floor so I’m not rolling my chair into him…and I’m surprised he is not there.
Sleeping next to my desk.
I’m coming home and I don’t hear his barking…then it comes to me he is not there. It is so hard to live without him.
I got rid of most of his stuff but kept a couple items. As long as I have them he is still here. I didn’t wash his blanket on purpose. It still smells like him so I can hold it in my arms and feel him again. I also kept one of his first toys, one of his favorite and plushest of toys. I had to mend it so many times. He liked to rest his head on the toys while sleeping or watching me.
When I was walking thru the house he was always right behind me, literally stepping on my heels. He was always so happy to see me, getting crazy when I was back home.
In the last few years, he couldn’t go up or down the stairs, so I was carrying him up and down whenever I needed to do something. But in his last weeks, when I left him upstairs he didn’t even complain about not coming down the stairs with me. He was sticking his head out through the railings and watching me silently.
Is it possible he knew? He was so much more quiet in his last few weeks, almost like he gave up and he was accepting this.
It breaks my heart to think about him, but it is also comforting in some ways. I didn’t want to look through his pictures. It was too painful but then I stopped resisting. They are a reminder of these good times we had together and I feel better thinking he’s had a good and a long life with us. I want to believe he is in a happier place now.
One of the worst moment for me was when cleaning the house just 2 days after he was gone. His footprints were still there on the floor. It was so painful to remove them knowing that this is the last visible sign of him. That day I made a lot of pictures of my floor even though the footprints were barely visible.
His footprints on the floor.
Looking through the window into the backyard, I see him running there like crazy from one end to the other. He loved to be outside. He loved to play in the backyard.
I’m catching myself talking to him in my head while looking at his picture in front of my desk or the one I put on my cellphone cover. I want him here with me. I can see his cute face whenever I’m checking my phone and then I smile … or I cry.
His cute picture on my phone.
I love him so much and I want him back! I want to hold him in my arms again, cuddle with him, listen to his barking, take him for a walk…but he really is gone.
Some days are better than others but there is no way back. It helps to know we were so lucky to have him in our life. He is not here anymore but he will always stay in our hearts.
It is so true we don’t realize what we’ve lost until it’s gone. Hug your fur babies often, show them your love, don’t get angry when they do something wrong, enjoy them as much as you can because one day they will be gone and your memory of them is all that is left.
Last evening cuddling together.
For these who went through the same pain of losing beloved Maltese dog and would like a reminder, here are some t-shirts and coffee mugs. You can view them or other Maltese designs by clicking HERE or on the image below: