Grieving The Loss of My Maltese Dog Is Very Hard


grieving the loss of my Maltese dog

Grieving the loss of my Maltese dog is so hard! I don’t want to think about him …and yet I feel better when I do. Weeks passed by and I still can’t believe he is not here. I called him my beautiful, my precious, my sweetie, my cutie…

I’m missing him so much. Nobody spent as much time with him as I did. He was my fur baby, my child who never grew up, who made me smile – a silly, playful dog who was there for me all the time. His love was unconditional. It’s so painful to let go!

His first weeks with us.

grieving my maltese dog loss

He was 16 years old but people still called him “puppy.” We knew his time was coming but you are never really ready for this. How can you accept that this part of your life will be gone forever?

I can’t believe he is never going to lay down next to me, we will never go for a walk again, he will never wait for me to come home…and there are so many more things that will never happen again.

My heart is broken, I’m missing him so much and nothing can change this.

I remember the day I pick him up. He was so tiny, only 7 weeks old and so cute. He must have been scared because he threw up on my sweater when we were driving. On our 1st day together, I took him to work with me and he was sleeping on my lap most of the day, my precious, tiny ball of fur.

His first leash.

grieving the loss of maltese dog

16 years passed by too quickly and he is gone. He was old and had health problems we couldn’t cure. He didn’t want to eat or drink, he had a problem with balance, he lost weight and was so skinny. I fed him by hand just so he would eat something.

Did he know? In his last months, he was giving me kisses like never before, licking my face when I kept him in my arms. He was cuddling more and slept a lot. I’m finding some comfort in thinking that maybe he understood…but still, I can’t accept it.

After his seizures, when I was watching him helplessly and then comforting him when it was over I knew we can’t wait much longer. I didn’t want to see him suffer. Both vets who examined him told us they are ready whenever we are ready. But can you really be ready for this? I still feel guilty thinking that maybe we should wait longer… but then right away I realize this wouldn’t make any sense since he was not going to get better.

I am crying when I think about my sweetheart.

The days are empty without him.

The house is quiet without him.

I wake up and don’t see his cute face.

I don’t have to rush him outside to do his business.

I don’t have to feed him in the morning.

Walking through the house, I’m noticing things that surprise me but quickly realize why.

Walking into the kitchen I see his bowls are missing. I turn around and I don’t see his crate. I step out of the bedroom stunned because the baby gate is not there by the stairs. I’m moving around the kitchen and instinctively watching under my feet so I don’t step on him… only realizing he is not there.

Some of the most painful reminders are in my office. He was there with me all the time sleeping in his bed next to my desk. I could just look down and he was there looking at me. Still, when I’m moving in my chair or getting up I routinely look to the floor so I’m not rolling my chair into him…and I’m surprised he is not there.

Sleeping next to my desk.

grievingmymaltesedog

grievingthelossofmymaltese

I’m coming home and I don’t hear his barking…then it comes to me he is not there. It is so hard to live without him.

I got rid of most of his stuff but kept a couple items. As long as I have them he is still here. I didn’t wash his blanket on purpose. It still smells like him so I can hold it in my arms and feel him again. I also kept one of his first toys, one of his favorite and plushest of toys. I had to mend it so many times. He liked to rest his head on the toys while sleeping or watching me.

When I was walking thru the house he was always right behind me, literally stepping on my heels. He was always so happy to see me, getting crazy when I was back home.

In the last few years, he couldn’t go up or down the stairs, so I was carrying him up and down whenever I needed to do something. But in his last weeks, when I left him upstairs he didn’t even complain about not coming down the stairs with me. He was sticking his head out through the railings and watching me silently.

Is it possible he knew?  He was so much more quiet in his last few weeks, almost like he gave up and he was accepting this.

It breaks my heart to think about him, but it is also comforting in some ways. I didn’t want to look through his pictures. It was too painful but then I stopped resisting. They are a reminder of these good times we had together and I feel better thinking he’s had a good and a long life with us. I want to believe he is in a happier place now.

One of the worst moment for me was when cleaning the house just 2 days after he was gone.  His footprints were still there on the floor. It was so painful to remove them knowing that this is the last visible sign of him. That day I made a lot of pictures of my floor even though the footprints were barely visible.

His footprints on the floor.

Grieving the loss of Maltese dog

Looking through the window into the backyard, I see him running there like crazy from one end to the other. He loved to be outside. He loved to play in the backyard.

I’m catching myself talking to him in my head while looking at his picture in front of my desk or the one I put on my cellphone cover. I want him here with me. I can see his cute face whenever I’m checking my phone and then I smile … or I cry.

His cute picture on my phone.

grieving my maltese dog

I love him so much and I want him back! I want to hold him in my arms again, cuddle with him, listen to his barking, take him for a walk…but he really is gone.

Some days are better than others but there is no way back.  It helps to know we were so lucky to have him in our life. He is not here anymore but he will always stay in our hearts.

It is so true we don’t realize what we’ve lost until it’s gone. Hug your fur babies often, show them your love, don’t get angry when they do something wrong, enjoy them as much as you can because one day they will be gone and your memory of them is all that is left.

Last evening cuddling together.

im greaving my maltese dog

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38 thoughts on “Grieving The Loss of My Maltese Dog Is Very Hard

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cried reading your painful tribute to your beloved pet, fur baby. May the many happy memories help carry you through your grief. He was a beautiful pup.

  2. Oh my, your words were so heartbreaking. I can feel your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. Tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. He was adorable and will always be in your heart. Cherish your memories. It’s hard to realize that gradually instead of those memories bringing anguish, they will bring joyful memories of your times together.

      1. I’m so sorry for your loss.i have my Teddy on my lap and I just can’t imagine my life without his love. Time will heal your heart, try to hang in there….

        1. Thank you Maria. You are right that passing time heals the pain, but still, it’s very hard to live without him. I wish I could hug him again.

  3. I felt the same way when I lost my 14 year old Maltese Daisy. I didn’t want another dog but my fiancé wanted a Maltese that was extra small like the one my sister has. He has never raised his own dog, so I felt i agreed we should get another dog for him. He picked out the new Maltese and this is going to sound crazy but i think it is Daisy reincarnated. Oliver the puppy does everything just like Daisy did and at 9 weeks he knew how to go out the doggy door without being shown. The same doggy door Daisy used for years. Well it does sound crazy but if you really think about it coming into physical form is pretty crazy too. So where do we come from and where do we go? I believe Maltese and animals are angels and they are on assignment. But who knows if they can get reassigned back to us? All I know is getting this puppy really showed me the circle of life and it feels like Daisy saying, see I’m back full of life and joy, you don’t have to be that sad it’s the process everything goes through. but please think about getting another fur baby even Maltese rescue. There are so many babies that need us.

    1. I’m sorry for your loss but very happy to hear you found your Daisy in Oliver. It’s very uplifting to think the way you think about them coming back and being on assignment. I agree we know so little about the life after death or the pets souls. When we think how smart they are when they are alive anything seems possible. I’m not ready to think about another dog yet although I know there are many pets that really need a better home. Thank you again for your inspiring comment and I wish you a lot of happiness with Oliver.

    2. Your doggy door has your departed dogs scent. A little gift that Daisy left for anyone who came after, to make it easier for you. I am sure Daisy would want you to have anoher…as did my three did my fourth Maltese. Whom I adore as much as our others, as you will you new baby.

  4. I know how you feel losing your baby. I lost mine about a year ago and I still can’t get over it. My family gave me a cat and he’s a good cat but I can’t get over the loss of Rocco. I just wish I could get another Maltese. Rocko was a rescue and I don’t have to pay anything for him but I can’t pay the prices that they asked for for a new Maltese so I’m looking for a rescue again but it’s hard to find God bless you and I hope you get over your loss

    1. Thank you so much Cindy and I’m sorry for your loss. It helps to know I’m not alone. It may not be easy to find another Maltese especially when you are on a limited budget but let’s hope there is one sweetie waiting for you somewhere, you just have to keep looking.

      Have you checked the American Maltese Rescue Organization yet? I can see on their website http://www.americanmalteserescue.org/ they have some Maltese dogs available for adoption in certain states.
      I also found this Facebook page with Maltese rescue dogs for adoption and their pictures https://www.facebook.com/maltese.rescueme.org/.

      And yet another website http://www.petango.com/ where you enter the breed and your location to see if they have any Maltese now.

      You can also place your ad on the free advertising website saying you are looking to adopt a Maltese dog. There are people who for whatever reason can’t keep the dog and would be happy to give it away to a good home.

      I wish you all the luck with your search and keep me posted if you do find one.

  5. This should so touched my heart…the doggie footprint pretty much did it. I finally stopped crying to drop a note to you. I am sure you are still raw and need time. But finding another if you can will help. I made the mistake of getting rid of my Maltese Toby’s things when Toby and I were attacked by a pit bull in our yard and he died in my arms. My husband was so inconsolable that we decided to find another Maltese a few months later.. Mind you, we had just lost our 2nd Maltese to old age when we got Toby only to lose him within months of getting him. So, not only destroyed us emotionally the cost was pretty devastating. Getting our 4th and final puppy, Bubba we are in our late 60s so it’s obvious why it is likely our last. But take heart that your baby lived an awesome life and you were able to help him go painlessly and with great love. May you seek solace in another wonderful, lucky Maltese, whether it be a puppy or a rescue. There is one lucky pup out there waiting for you.

  6. We did get our 4th puppy, Bubba and he was the best medicine to mend our broken hearts. I neglected to tell you we got him, about 3 months after losing Toby. So, he has been a God send and we are thankful to have found him. Best to you….you are in my prayers.

    1. Thank you so very much Francis for this reassurance that we did the right thing even if it hurts so much. I feel sorry for your loss and can’t imagine to live through what you went thru, especially with Toby’s violent death.

      I’m so happy you’ve found Bubba who is giving you joy and heals your heart. I know it’s too early for me to think about another dog, but maybe one day I will. Thanks for your prayers.

  7. I’m so so sorry for your loss. Reading about yours makes me feel like I’m not alone. I tragically lost my Maltese Lucky girl on May 12, 2017. She was out for a normal walk and someone’s pitbull broke loose and killed her. I’ve been in so much pain. Everyone who knew cried with me and of course I cried alone. It’s funny bcuz I never noticed just how many pics and videos she was in. Seeing them in my phone for the 1 st time knocks the wind out of me. But she was soooooooo loved. I would hold her for hours at a time. And she was very spoiled lol. There are no words for how much I miss her. Some days I don’t think about her much and those are my easy days. Right after she passed each person in my house heard her bark. I thought I was losing my mind, but not afraid. I just wanted to see her again. She can never be replaced but everyone keeps telling me to get another one so I’m on a quest. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ll be praying for you.

    1. Thank you Shanna for your kind words. I’m also very sorry for your loss, especially such a tragic one. Can’t even imagine what you are going through. My sweetie was already 16 years old and we knew his time was coming, so this wasn’t really a surprise. Your loss was very sudden and violent.

      For me, it’s been 6 months already and I still can’t get over it. Same as you I have the “easy” days and there are days when I see him everywhere and can’t stop crying. It does get better with time, but still, the pain is there. I like to look at his pictures and to remember how good it was to have him in our life. But I have a hard time to watch the videos because they are so real like he is still here with us but you can’t hug him, or kiss him. I wish you to find the peace in your heart and when you are ready you can get another puppy to be loved and spoiled. There are so many of them that need a good home and the life they deserve. I didn’t decide to get another one because I don’t feel ready yet. For some people, it’s easier to get a new dog but I want to be sure I’m ready for the new commitment. I hope you will find out what your heart is leading you to do. There is no wrong or right in it, just doing what feels good to you. All the best!

      1. Came across your blog today and was compelled to write after reading your heartbreaking story. I went through so many similar emotions when we lost our precious Maltese in 2010. Our baby went everywhere with us, including Paris. She was thirteen and her passing was cruel and sudden. I was emotionally wrecked and cried for months. The kindness of others who contacted me (like those on this blog) moved me tremendously. My only peace came in knowing that she was loved her ENTIRE life…just as yours was. From the day I picked her up at eight weeks old she was the center of my universe and my little soul mate. It was my privilege to love her and care for her…to go to bed with her after teeth cleanings and keep her close while she recovered. It took me years before I was ready for another. Yet people who loved theirs as much as I loved mine contacted me to say they had another Maltese in a matter of days. You are so right, the heart leads. One day a friend at the market asked me “Are you over her yet and ready to get another?” My answer was “I’ll never be over her.” That’s the truth.
        We NEVER get over it, we just learn how to live with it. Grieving is very personal; as you so aptly point out, there is no right or wrong. It took me YEARS. The piece of my heart that went with her, was only hers. Thankfully I realized my heart is big enough to love again. Keep us posted with your journey. You are not alone; and you were so brave to share your personal story. It is a gentle reminder to make the most of every day with our beloved Maltese…and to hold them and spoil them just a little more than usual. Best wishes.

  8. Drenched in tears reading your story. Sorry for your pain, I’m beyond relating.
    I lost my little Maltese buddy, Willie on January 22,2018 and not handling it well at all. He was my everything! Broken

    1. Thank you Leslie and I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts especially when the loss is as fresh as yours. It’s already over 1 year since my baby is gone and I’m still hurting but it is easier now. I can talk about him without crying and look at other dogs without feeling sad. Some people open their hearts to a new pet because this helps them to heal. I’m not ready for another one but sometimes I wish I was because there are so many pets that need a good home. What helped me is to know my baby is not suffering anymore, he is in a happy place now and I have the memories I will always cherish. I wish you all the best.

  9. This made me so sad. My Maltese is 17 and has been declining (hair loss, mostly blind, mostly deaf) our vet said that if I said good bye he would probably just pass. It took me awhile but I did. He is still here?. We had to switch him to baby food so he could swallow it. But amazingly he is still a happy guy. I know I need to be prepared but I just can’t. I feel I will feel the same as you. im just loving every single day with him like it’s his last. I hope you have found some peace.

    1. Thanks Ericka. Enjoying them as long as possible it’s all we can do. When they start suffering is when we have to make this decision which hurts so much. You will know in your heart when this time comes but now just cherish every moment especially if he is still a happy guy. I’m missing my fur baby a lot but it sure gets easier with passing time to accept it. At least now I can think or talk about him without crying. I remind myself we’ve had a great 16 years together, we loved him and spoiled him a lot and that’s all that it counts now.

  10. Many of your words are my words. I lost Kendall last September and now his sister, Bella, today. He had a cough that we couldn’t fix and she had heart failure start 2 months ago. The house is too quiet and my grieving too loud. They could have both lived 100 years and it still wouldn’t have been enough time with them. I got them 5 years ago from a kind lady who had cancer and was looking for a home for them before something happened to her. They gave me so much joy and laughter. This wasn’t long enough but then 100 years wouldn’t have been either. She was making little barking noises during her sleep last night. I wondered if she was getting a preview of the Rainbow Bridge and could see Kendall standing there waiting for her? Now, getting through the burial tomorrow and the rest of my life, without them – is the problem.
    I’ll pray for all of you and hope you will pray for me. We are all in this together now – we need to be kind to each other.

  11. This is exactly what I’m experiencing right now with the loss of my Maltese Shuggie on Easter Sunday. Exactly.

  12. My heart understand your pain , my baby girl has been gone over 5 years and she was not a dog, she never knew she was a dog and she didn’t want other dogs around her. She was perfect. My husband and I still miss her and we still cry. She was everything to us and never did she ever do anything wrong, everyone loved her but she was ours . So I wonder when the pain will stop and the tears will cease. Once you have owned a Maltese there is no other breed that will do. She was our 2nd. Maybe getting another one would help. I just don’t know. So my heart goes out to you sweetie.

    1. I’m very sorry for your loss and pain. I don’t think the pain can be over, I still grieve my baby, but it is easier now. Some people take another dog and sometimes I wish I could do this because after you once have a dog it’s hard to live without it. Maybe one day we too can get another one when we are ready. All the best.

  13. Today we lost our precious boy Charlie . We have suffered the loss of parents, other pets and yes that was heartbreaking. Losing Charlie however, is the worst pain ever. My wife and I rescued him 6 years ago. He had been very abused, and I wasn’t sure he would ever trust us. My wife told me he would come around and with lots of love, patience and spoiling he did . Our life was scheduled around him . His bad separation anxiety due to a traumatic past was something several professionals had never dealt with. We persevered ( there was never any doubt about that). He had us both at “hello”. I’m trying to be strong for my wife . She was with him everyday and losing our boy has crushed her . Cancer, oh how I hate cancer took our boy. He had suffered so much before we saved him and to have him suffer with this horrible disease is so unfair . We met with our vet who over years helped Charlie with allergies, separation anxiety, all of it . You see Charlie was a regular at the vet and was well loved by all. This rare cancer was a shock to all . It came so fast, so unbelievable . Within two weeks our Charlie went from loving to “run the house” then go out and sit with the sun on his face and breeze blowing his ears to a frail helpless boy . Last night he sat there looking at us as if to say “please help me”. This morning he looked at my wife as to say “it’s time”. My wife and I stayed with our boy through the entire process at the vet. . I could barely look but my wife held him and comforted him till his last breath . We left him there until we prepare for his special place on our farm. The place where the sun shown in his face with the breeze in his ears . His things are in the house, all the normal places. We can’t deal with moving them yet. Our house right now without Charlie feels so empty…not a home. I’m sure time will change that. My wife has tried to rest, cuddled up with Charlie’s blanket but rest would not come just constant tears and memories. Some people are meant to be rescuers… I’m am but my wife especially. The most angry, abused horses she has saved and had them acting like lap dogs if they could . Cats love her . Dogs, yes she is a dog whisperer. Never meets a threating dog, to hear her tell it . They all just need love and understanding . There is always one though that touches deeply, more deep then any other. Not sure why…but she has always said Charlie was that one…she knew from the start when he looked into her eyes. I’ll never forget the day we picked him up from his foster mother. She warned us he could be agressive, very timid . Hardly any hair from severe allergies . I said, ” he looks a mess” . My wife bent over, picked him up and replied, ” he is beautiful “. Within two months he was a ball of white fluffy fur, and as gentle as nothing in his past life ever affected him . We discussed today if we can go through losing another fur baby. We both know we will. There are far too many babies our there that need us and deserve the special God given gift my beautiful wife has to give. Charlie will NEVER be gone from our hearts, home and memories . We will see you again one day…enjoy the sun in your beautiful face and the breeze blowing your ears . We always promised we would never leave you, we would always come back . You are NOT alone . XOXOXOXOXO praying God will place another fur baby in our life .

    1. I’m very sorry for your loss. Thank you very much for your beautiful post and memories about Charlie. I know it’s very hard right now but if you are ready to take another fur-baby to help I’m sure you will find a joy again. I wish you all the best.

  14. I just lost my beautiful Maltese snowflake that I had for 10 years the grief is unbelievable and my other Maltese that’s 9 is so lost she doesn’t even know what to do without her companion these little dogs are so intelligent and loving it blows my mind but lost a lot of people in my life and I can tell you this grief is just as sad I had to have a put down because of Cushing’s then diabetes Which goes hand-in-hand with cushions I took her out for her last car ride so sadest day of my freaking life
    Sorry to others who have gone through this

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are right, the grief is the same whether is a human or a dog. I wish you well. Let’s hope the other Maltese will stay longer with you.

  15. I too, had 2 Maltese, brother and sister. I lost the brother in Sept and the sister in Feb at 14 years old. This was over a year ago and I still miss them both so much – every day! I know your pain and I have no magic solution to make you feel better. I just kept remembering the fun we had together, the daily times they welcomed me at the door after a long day’s work, that made me feel so glad to be home! I loved their faces as they rushed into a room to find me after they had a short break out the back door – it was like I was on their mind most every minute like they were on mine. Make an album of your many pictures so you can refer to it on days you ache to see them one more time.
    Hang on to every minute you have with the one you have left. Be grateful for the time you had with them.

  16. My Maltese, my sweet little Tallulah Mae was viciously attacked and mauled to death right in front of me. I literally had to punch and beat that akita off of her. We made it to the animal hospital but the bites and extensive blood loss was too much for her little body to bear. It’s been a month now and I cry every day for her. Many have asked if I’ll get another dog or even another Maltese. I probably will get another dog (one day, too soon right now) but I would feel way too guilty to get another Maltese. It would be like cheating on her or her my memory of her. She was my everything. She was a rescue with health issues. I had no intentions of being a dog owner at that point in my life, but she quickly changed my heart and became my precious little girl. We fought and beat heart worms, dental disease, cancer and an eye tumor. She was all i had. It was just the two of us in the house and I always worked from home 2-3 days a week. So we had quite a bit of time together. Now I just have a deafening silence. This just hurts way too much. I miss her little face.

  17. I don’t know if I can express my sadness adequately because my loss is so fresh. My 16yo girl lost her fight with GME, collapsing trachea, and heart disease only two days ago. I am beyond devastated. I have been sobbing that I just want her back but that isn’t going to happen in this life. I never knew just how heart broken I would be when she passed, although we knew she had outlasted her life expectancy a while back. Her breathing became labored and she coughed so much. In retrospect, she was probably in distress many times and could have been put to rest, but I kept thinking I could keep her going…and I did. She had a couple of bad days, and I once again took her to the vet. Her heart was enlarged to the point it was almost touching her rib cage on both sides. She was not a docile lap dog by any means, but that day, she sat quietly in my lap and rested her head on my arm. She even fell asleep and gave us a little snore. She was tired…the decision was imminent, but I envisioned at least a few more days. Next day, she couldn’t stop vomiting, and she had terrible diarrhea. I couldn’t get her to take anything for her anxiety and the stress of her condition, so I made the call. No need for her to go another night in this misery. And now I’m consumed with guilt and grief for letting her go. No matter how many times someone tells you that you made the right decision, it just doesn’t sink in. I took her to the vet in her snuggly bed with her raggedy toy there for comfort. I gave her some treats and and her how very much I loved her (which I did every night as she went to bed) as I continuously rubbed the top of her soft head. Perhaps reliving the moment in this post will help me heal. Maltese is a breed like no other, and I am honored to have been in her life and to have had her in mine. I’m looking everywhere for signs that she’s near and pray that she is looking over me and knows our bond can never be duplicated. I will never, ever be the same without her. ❤️

    1. Hello Gigi, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m still grieving my baby even after 4 years. Our babies are very special to us; it’s really hard to move on. Your pain is very fresh, but with the passing time, you should feel better. I’ve been crying for weeks. Remembering his daily routines, our walks and not seeing him around was the worse. There is never the right time to let them go, but we don’t want them to suffer either. Your girl was 16yo so you know she had a long and happy life with you. When you start to feel a bit better just remember the happy moments you’ve had together. It helped me to push away the thoughts about the sad, last moments or dwelling whether I made the decision at the right time. Instead I’m hoping he is happy now wherever he is.
      I wish you the best and hope you will find the peace in your heart. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

  18. I am very sorry for your loss and know it is so painful. I still cry over my Snowflake.
    These dogs are so loving it is like loosing a person. Some may not understand so I held in so much pain. I felt guilty having her put down but the reality is we did all we could do. It has been almost a year but the first 3 months were the worst and I almost lost my Snowball maltese because she was so depressed got dehydrated and constantly looking for Snowflake it was so sad. I set out her urn and I could not believe Snowball lay next to it just grieving. So now I still have her and got another little girl Maltese that makes us laugh again and she does alot if the same things Snowflake did but we still miss our little girl daily almost a yr later. 💔
    God above does not let these little babies live as long as we’d like because people might not get one if they lived 25 yrs and so I accept his plan but man I feel your pain. I’m not going to pretend you are going to hurt
    I hope you feel better soon be patient it’s not easy. It does lighten and now we laugh and smile and are so grateful we had that time with her under our loving wings.
    God bless you all going through this loss.

  19. Oh girl try not to feel guilty. I went through similar situation. My guy was 18 and had multiple seizures and trachea issues. He was eating baby food because he couldn’t swallow. His last seizure left him unable to walk or hold his head up. I also felt guilty. I wanted him to go naturally. It didn’t happen. I miss him everyday and I don’t care if it’s creepy but his ashes stay in his little bed right under my bed where I sleep. I still can’t be without him. I will say time has helped. My husband got me a maltese puppy and I honestly wasn’t happy about it. However, now I’m relieved they are completely different but still loyal and perfect in his own way. We love them and the breed for a reason. When your ready get another not to replace your precious baby but so you can enjoy another perfect little soul! My heart is breaking for you. Prayers for some peace for ya💜

  20. I am so sorry for everyone’s loss as I now am living and breathing this sorrow and have become part of the club.

    My dearest most precious Lola died last night at 1:30am, and I am completely destroyed. Lola was 15 and a half and full of life even when she struggled with her arthritis. Lola was a dog who made you feel special when you were graced with her attention. I can personally say that she may have licked me 5 times in all of my years with her. I got Lola when she was 3 months, she was my first and only dog until the age of 11 when another dog ( Winnie) came into our lives. She hated Winnie from the beginning and Winnie loved Lola from the beginning.

    Lola was the perfect addition to my family of two, partner and 7 year old daughter. I remember looking at my daughter and and warning her that by the time she went off to college Lola will most likely not be with us, well Lola proved us wrong as my daughter is 22 years old and months from graduating college. My heart hurts that Lola wont be here to celebrate that momentous occasion with us, she was so close.

    Lola was everything to me. I was her mom and defender. She was my baby and accomplice. I cooked all her meals, yet would not even think about cooking for my family. She had a personality that was so special and distinct, she never aged mentally and bullied our other bigger dog which made us crack up. We affectionately called Lola an “asshole” because there was no better way to describe her attitude. She would lay on the couch for days without so much as a glance to her family and then all of a sudden walk to door asking to be taken outside, that simple. It was a hoot and everyone obliged. If Lola wanted to leave the house no matter where you were going you stopped picked her up and took with you. She barked all the way of course, cause as much as she loved being outside, she equally hated dogs and strangers with a passion.

    Lola as sleeping on the couch nestled on a pillow between me and my partner when she went stiff, threw her head back and let out an awful yelp of sorts. I quickly picked her up and tried to shake off what I thought was a nightmare, which eventually turned into our worst nightmare. My partner tried to put her down to get a drink of water and she was limp, so I again raised her above my head to see if I could shake her awake, although thinking of it now her eyes were never closed, she was had a wide eyed look in her eyes. I looked at her gums and notice that they were pale, which is when my partner noticed that her tongue was hanging and was blue. In the minutes to come I put my sandals on and we ran to the car for the 4 minute long ride to the ER Hospital. The longest moments of my life. As we were driving I held Lola out the window since she was gasping in an attempt to get some air into her. I can remember thinking why do her lungs sound as if she has a rattle in there. I kept telling Lola, please hold on we are almost there and Lola did hold on, for once she listened. As we pulled up to the hospital, there was another car being attended to by the nurses and I yelled “please help she is not breathing!” I held Lola out of the window of the car and the two nurses ran over and took her from me and as they rushed her into the hospital they asked ” do we have permission to perform resuscitate her, to which I replied, “yes, please save her!

    The next couple of hours were the most excruciating hours as I waited for news about my Lola. When the doctor finally came out she said that Lola was in critical condition and that she doubted if she would make it through the night. I completely came apart and told her to please do every that they could to figure out what was wrong and save her. The doctor suspected a blood clot, but wasn’t sure. She told me that Lola having lots of trouble breathing and that they were trying to stabilize her to run some tests. My poor girl was struggling to survive.

    Once a plan of care was determined I was told that I should go home and rest as there was nothing to do but give her some meds and hope for the best. Lola had a cardiology appointment first thing that morning at 8:30 am to see if the issue was with her heart. I drove the 5 minutes home and as I was figuring out how we were going to pay for the medical bills, I got a call from the vet stating that Lola had gone into cardiac arrest and for me to get there as quickly as possible. My daughter and partner got into the car and I as praying for Lola to please hold on, when we got a second call that they were able to bring Lola back, but to please hurry since they would cease to do CPR after 15 minutes.

    As soon as we got to the hospital we were rushed in and led to where Lola was. As I approached her I saw the nurse and doctor by Lola’s side, the nurse holding a breathing back that was attached to Lola’s breathing tube. At this point Lola was breathing on her own but her breaths were coming in raspy and my poor girl was struggling with every attempt. I lean over Lola and whispered in her ears that mami loved her and gave her kisses. We were all crying and petting Lola’s belly telling her what a good baby she was being. Lola’s heart rate went from 120 beats to about 90 as we were soothing her and telling her that we were proud of her. The entire time Lola’s eyes remained opened and although she was a bit sedated I know that she was calm cause she knew that her family was here. The doctor came over and explained that when they they attempted to x-ray Lola’s chest she had gone into cardiac arrest and that when they removed her breathing tube blood came out which led the doctor to think that Lola’s had been throwing blood clots.

    The next few minutes were a frenzy of questions about what else could be done and what Lola’s chances were of survival. I asked these questions to the doctor and nurse separately because I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being lied to. The doctor finally said that Lola was not going to recuperate and that I we were prolonging her suffering. I honestly didn’t care, as long as Lola was willing to breathe I had hope, but I quickly realized that was selfish and inhumane. By “quickly” I meant 10 minutes later and after the continued prodding of my daughters and partner who reminded me that this is not what I said that I wanted for Lola. I had long forgotten that promise that we made, promising each other that we would not allow her to suffer. I am ashamed to say it, but I don’t that I would have been so humane had I been allowed to make that decision on my own. In the minutes to come I was torn since I had called my e me. I can’t get a hold of my emotions. I look like Rocky after a few good rounds. I feel guilt and sorrow, should I have been stronger and demanded more resuscitative care? Was she scared, which made her die faster? I have so many questions, even though I have had answers. I don’t understand why she died, and if I could have saved her. Were there signs that I missed days, weeks, months earlier? I don’t know if I am coming or going. I wake up crying and anguished over my Lola and call out her name and she doesn’t answer. My whole family is in shock, and I can’t deal with their grieve because mine is different. I loved Lola more than anyone ever, she was my beautiful girl. We understood each other without words or barks.

    Lola, We love you so much, and thank you for giving us the most wonderful 15 1/2 years of our lives. You chose us and I hope that we in turn gave you the best years of your life. Winnie misses you terribly, but he is holding down the fort and using all of the tricks of the trade that you showed him. <3x partner who was part of Lola's life for the first 11 years and I wanted to give her the opportunity to say good bye. While it is hard and my ex partner was on their way I had to make the decision to "unplug" Lola and set her free.

    I would like to tell you that I was calm and in control during the process of freeing Lola from her pain, but I was not. I was a hot mess of uncontrollable tear. I sobbed, cried, asked more questions, kissed Lola like a crazy person. I noticed that when I looked up the nurse had a tear in streaming down her eye which broke me further. I looked at her and told her great girl Lola had always been. How she was so loved and spoiled and the nurse looked at me and said that she knew that by how Lola behaved. She shared that Lola did get up in her cage and peed and then she immediately kicked the wee wee pad away from her and started begging to be let out of the cage. She pointed to a note on her cage that read " will jump" because she said as soon as the cage doors were opened Lola tried to leap out into their arms. This pains me greatly, as our girl was so used to being held and loved and it kills me to think that she was scared and needed comfort and I wasn't there for her. I also feel so unsettled about her having been okay enough to walk around in her cage and then how she took a turn for the worst. This haunts me.

    I feel like the breathe has been knocked out of

  21. I had to put my 16 year old maltese Sibi to sleep 3 days ago. He was my late moms doggy but we shared a tight bond. He had heart problems & after his first epileptic fit he went downhill fast. He refused to eat or drink. My heart aches & I can relate so much to your beautiful story. The tears fun freely throughout the day & not everyone understands. I still have a Jack Russell & an African Grey parrot & I need to stay strong for them. I put away his little food bowl & leash but every so often I catch myself looking at it in the cupboard. Miss my Sibi!

  22. I just lost mine on 16 December 2021. He was born on 13 May 2007, I got him on 11 July 2007 as a Birthday Gift. In his last days, he spent 3 days under a vet’s care because he was weak and refused to eat and drink, he was 14,5 years old and had health problems. My only regret is I let him suffer in his last 3 days because the vet here in Jakarta, Indonesia refused to put him down, although he was clearly suffering. The first 6 days (3 days at vet’s care and 3 after he was gone) were very very difficult for me, I’m a 51 year old man and I have never cried so much in my life, especially after he was gone. I will never want another one, I could never stand that kind of pain again, he will be my last.

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